The End of an Era

(draining chevre')

I had to post the pretty picture first. I'm feeling in desperate need of "all things lovely" these days.

Our sweet little 5 month old was yet again hospitalized, and as a matter of fact was transported to the Children's Hospital in Seattle after a day and a half in the hospital here. My darling husband has been there with him the whole time. I'm not sure how he is doing it, since I think he is fresh out of sick leave. But what can we do? Leaving that little sweet boy there alone isn't an option.

I can't leave the 2 year old to stay there either because he FREAKS out when I leave him. He had bonding issues until he was 7 months old, so we are pretty careful with him. He actually had a full-on panic attack after spending a few hours with a babysitter the day the baby was admitted to the hospital. Doug was at work and I had to go, and I couldn't very well take a wild 2 year old. They won't allow it anyway. My friend who watched him is almost Mother Theresa herself- an amazing woman just full of love. I was pretty surprised he reacted like he did. The good news about his adoption is that we are waiting on a court date to finalize and that's that. 2 or 3 weeks tops!

Life lately has been the ending of an era and lots of learning what it means to be a helpless and blind wretch in need of Jesus day-by-day. Our oldest is having a baby. Yep, that means we are going to be grandparents. How is that possible? I think we both are still trying to deal with it. Not that another little soul in the family isn't welcome...but the circumstances- well, let's end it there. Our oldest son moved out. I cried a river for 3 days. Seeing his raisin bran in the cupboard undid me. My old dog is deaf, blind, maybe senile and incontinent. I know I should have him put down but I just can't bring myself to do it and neither can my husband. At first we really didn't have the time- the poor old thing was dragging around the yard in circles and we were always dealing with the sick baby, his appointments and medications...there were other things too, lots of little things. Now it's a matter of wondering if our hearts can take one more thing. Not right now. Maybe in a couple weeks...

It doesn't help that I am getting all kinds of old looking and have gained weight. Oh man, that doesn't help!

So, we trudge along, grateful, humble, overwhelmed and in dire need of so much more of Jesus. So much more. We sound like we are in terrible shape I know, and sometimes I feel that we are, but we are alright. We are sticking together and our little family at home is totally different than a couple years ago with a house full of teens, but it's alright.

Tonight at dinner CJ sang to his baked potato, "Birtday to you" (translation- Happy birthday to you) and I just realized again that mothering really is a ministry. It's the greatest, hardest job, but not thankless. That smiling little boy with his chubby armed hugs around my neck is plenty of thanks. That 13 year old boy who still wants to snuggle, that 5 month old snaggle toothed grin baby who lights up when he sees me...it's all thanks, isn't it?

I'm tired. But I'm happy. I'm thankful. I have so so many good friends. Lord bless you guys- you know who you are.