I've learned Something About Myself...I'm Crazy

My life is busy. My responsibilities: huge. I am for a great deal of the time, a single parent. My husband is gone. Alot. Those of you who know me know there are some major issues I need to deal with in my life. Changes and problems. Who doesn't have some of those?

Well, I realized tonight I am crazy. A nutjob.

Sitting in Biblestudy, (sometimes my only break during the week) I missed a call on my cell and had a voicemail. It was the after- hours social worker that delivered my foster baby to me 4 months ago. She had a newborn at the hospital that needed placed...was I interested? Of course not.

I didn't leave class to answer her call. I wanted to pay attention to the study. But my fingers kept twitching. I kept picking up my phone...I turned it to vibrate. I kept one eye on it. I prayed. I reasoned with myself. I'm too busy. I'm stretched thin now. But I have an unused bassinet sitting next to my little foster baby's bed. He's too big for it now. I wondered if the baby was a boy or a girl? I thought of the boxes of clothing I had for both. The extra bottles, formula and diapers...I thought how tired I am half the time and how I feel like crying some days when all I want is a little help or a nap. Maybe both. In the end, it was no use. I knew I was going to call her back. Thank the Lord, who has far better sense than me, that social worker was just leaving the hospital on her way to deliver the newborn to someone else. She had just found somebody.

whew! Close call.

But I learned that I get excited at the thought of another newborn, no matter the sacrifices (which would be many, many, many!), no matter the hardships, and no matter what state of chaos my life is in. I need help. What was I thinking?