So this morning my 3 year old son was up at 6 a.m.
It was kind of him to sleep in a little...yawn.
I had finished the early morning routine of feeding the baby, drinking my latte and reading my Bible (on a good day when the littles allow it). My boy was playing with toys on the floor when he stood up, came over to the couch and looked into my eyes and stated quietly with serious and solemn eyes, "I want my mommy."
I was stunned. A little confused and my mind flashed back to a couple months ago when something similar had happened. I collected my thoughts and asked him calmly to repeat himself. He said it again and in the same manner.
"Where is she?" I asked.
"Over there" he said, pointing over his should out the window.
"Where?" I asked
"Over there" he said again, pointing in the same direction. "In the other house."
Now you might be thinking it's a little playful imagination but I know differently. My son was adopted. The fact that we have had him since he was 2 months old makes no difference. The fact that from the details I have and two years of experience I had with his past connections leads me to believe there wouldn't be much to miss for an older child, let alone an infant, doesn't negate the fact that a baby knows it's biological mother from before birth.
You should know this boy had attachment disorder until about 7 months. That started before I got him. When he attached to us it was thorough. That child has healthy attachments and bonds with my husband and I and our 14 year old son. He also has lots of other relationships that are strong and healthy and consistent. You should know that we are close...we do everything together. I can honestly say this child is very well attached. I have done everything I know to facilitate bonding and we are tightknit!
I feel the same about this boy as the two I gave birth to. I have maternal ties to this little boy that are every bit as instinctual and natural as the feelings for my biological children.
I don't feel insecure when my son says he misses his mommy. I'm mom, mamma, and sometimes mommy. We have had different functions, she and I. I feel that I got the best of this deal. I adore my son and I am sure there are going to be some mighty wrestlings with emotional baggage that may well last decades. My husband was adopted and it took years to work through his stuff. Was the Lord preparing me through my husband's experience and wounds to deal with those of my son? (and maybe a daughter?) Yes, I think so. He's awfully nice that way.
We recently got a little dog. She's older and quite a bit naughty. This morning I woke up to poop on the carpet again. I was really considering her going to a new home even though my son loves this dog. I cannot abide a dog that uses my house as a toilet. Especially because she's just too lazy to outside when it's cold or rainy. Grrrr!
But this morning about an hour after my boy telling me he missed his mommy, he asks me, "Is Ginger adopted?"
"um...yes son." I felt guilty and flustered- it was a weird question for a 3 year old to ask, wasn't it? Maybe not. He's smart. That awful dog is staying forever now.
Hopefully someday my son and I will have a meaningful and heartfelt conversation about all of this when he's much older- and I'm much wiser. Until then I'm just going to continue to be his mom. Why is it hardly ever that you hear about adopted people having "Daddy issues"? It's always the mom. Isn't it? I take that to mean we are pretty important.