Sunday, November 10, 2013

I Have Attachment Issues

 
It had been a particularly hard day. Well, I'll be honest and say it had been a rough few days.
She put her little hand out and patted me, "mamma, you're my girl."
I remembered I had said that to her affectionately before the "honeymoon" phase was over.
I groaned inwardly because I couldn't stir those feelings up again.
I feel like I'm the one with attachment disorder lately. Believe me, you can get like that when you wake up to attachment issues right where you live every day.
 
This isn't easy. Lately we have dealt with behavior and issues that we just don't know what to do with. Don't want to deal with. Sometimes I want to bag out of this. Thinking of the future frightens me. I ask myself what it will look like when this little person isn't so cute anymore as a 12 or 13 year old treating me with contempt and disrespect, acting our in self destructive ways that make me lose sleep and grind my teeth.
 
Why don't I worry as much about those things with my other not-bio kids? Because I dealt with it to some degree or other with my bio kids, because we have strong attachments and because love covers a multitude of sins is completely true. (1 Peter 4:8)
So I'm in prayer mode. Feel free to pray too.
 
 

3 comments:

  1. Prayers for your tender heart....to mold is not always easy that is for sure. :)

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  2. I'm sorry for this difficulty. I am still a mom waiting to adopt and so I have sympathy, but not the empathy that I know I will one day have when I am learning what this is all about in reality.

    I think you are called to great things in God that are done in quiet places, and out of view ---right? Tiring places, thankless lands, unknown destinations. Places that link you so deeply with the suffering of Jesus and to the infinite love he has. How can he translate that love in us? I fear my inability to do it.....yet, not I but HE who lives in me! We have had a tough year--unmatched up to this time in our lives. Sometimes I wonder how deep can we go, how deep is our love for others? How deep into his will can I go when it breaks the heart, tires us to the brink, makes a zombie of us at times?

    Hang on.....And may He fill you with all that you need today....today and tonight when it's time to sleep. May he give you the glimpses into the unseen that will lift your heart today. My he continue to give you grace to stretch your mothering to new and deep dimensions. May He give you understanding beyond your imagination. May he rest you and renew you even as you do the work of today.

    You have those wings of the mother hen ---they stretch out and cover her young in that warm shelter.

    You always are an inspiration.

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